People, I have a very exciting and urgent announcement to make. My Christmas Campaign 2010 has officially finished itself. Yesterday. Today I am making the official results announcement.

I suggest that you sit down. This is serious.

I got 344 new Facebook friends.
I got 284 Christmas Cards in the mail.
I got 20 Christmas Presents in the mail.

This means my Dad will write a check for $1,196.00 to Action for Animals. And I will make 20 bags of treats and canned cat food. Which stinks. Like my sister’s mouth. She has halletoesis. I digress.

I will be going to Action for Animals this week. To visit. And to deliver the stash. I will be like Santa. Only very small. And without a bowl full of Jello. I love Jello.

I cannot be more happy about my Christmas Campaign 2010. It is a commiracle. Oh and also. I love all of my new FB friends. Some of them are very fun. And we are bestest friends. Others are not very fun. I think mayhaps they are mute. Or mayhaps their fingers are mute. Since they do not type messages to me.

New FB friends, do not be shy. Or have mute fingers. Come see me anytime, it will be fun.

Oh and also. Pay special attention to my FB over the next few days. Now that I am near finished with my recuperation time. I will be making lots of updates. And lots of photo shoots and video shoots.

Thank you to all of my friends for your support. And hard work. Spreading my Christmas Campaign news. And shopping for me. And visiting your Post Offices for me. And licking envelopes for my Christmas Cards. And selling your uterus to pay for stamps. They are very expensive. I see it on TV.

You are such great friends. My little heart sings with thanks and love. For everyone.

Here is the list of my friends who sent me Christmas Presents. And made other big moves. To entertain me. And to make Santa get to the homeless animals faster than usual. This list will go to the people at Action for Animals too:

1) JENNIFER DINATTI (Pennsylvania) – this is my Special Secret Santa lady.  She sent me my legwarmers.  To keep my bald chicken thighs from collecting frost.  While pooping.  In winter.

2) WENDY LAMPHERE (Georgia) – this is my Mustang Wendy lady. It is the song. Everyone knows the song. She sent me a t-shirt. That makes me look like John Travolta. From Grease. I watch that on TV.

3) DARLENE & GEORGE D’AMATO (Pennsylvania) – this is where I got my new friend Sock. And my Christmas pursey. For my friends without guts. And legs. That cannot participate in my Friend Parades.

4) JENNY SMITH (Pennsylvania) – this is where I got my new friend Elvis. The friend with consteepation problems. In his midriff.

5) MISTY NEWMAN (Minnesota) - this is where I got my new friend Patches. He looks like he came from the Salvation Army. Because he has patches. But he does not smell poor. So that is a negative. It is a mystery.

6) JO BURCHFIELD (Maryland) – this is where I got my new friend Gene Simmons. And my other new friend Goat. Gene Simmons goes in my pursey. He does not have legs. Goat also goes in my pursey. He does not have guts. They are great friends.

7) DEBORAH SIMONE (California) - this is where I got my new Bulldog ornament for my Christmas Tree. His name is Butchie.

8. MELANIE ROLLMAN (Florida) – this is where I got my new Christmas tweater. That does not cause my neck to eat my face. It is great. And an old people magnet.

9) KATRINA COOPER (West Virginia) - this is where I got my new friend Warts. He has Warts. Hence his name. Oh and also. Katrina Cooper lady is a teacher. Her students sent me 149 Christmas Cards. It was a Christmas Commiracle.

10) MONICA LARA (Virginia) – my Monica Lara lady sent me treats. They were great. And treats for my parents. And Ren. And my sister, Ani. She is too kind. Oh and also. The gingerbread treats she sent for my parents did not give them GingerSnap Farts. That only happens to my butthole. Apparently.

11) MELANIE EMBRY (Pennsylvania) - this is where I got my new PeeJays. My Grandma says they make me look like a love bug. That is nice.

12) WANDA HARTLEY (Maryland) – this is where I got my new friend Lokey Posey. His head is Lokey. His butthole area is Posey. He is a split friend. Oh and also. This is where I got a new fleece blankie for in front of my heater. I have been using it. Religiously.

13) THE DAWSONS (Pennsylvania) - this is where I got my new friend Pfox Ponymane. That I named after my bestest musical girls. Only my friend Pfox Ponymane does not play music. He has no guts. That is bad for holding a guitar.

14) TARA VANFLOWER (Arizona) – this is where I got my new Santa outfit. I will wear it when I deliver the stash. My Mom especially loved this Christmas Present. She gets a thrill out of me wearing embarrassing clothes. Like my Sunday Church Dress.

15) JEAN PAOLO (Minnesota) – this is where I got my new friend Crocodile. Ren stole it. It is too big for my mouth. He thinks that makes it his. It does not. At all.

16) EMILY MCDOWELL (Pennsylvania) – this is where I got three Hoops and YoYos. Green, Purple and Blue. They have no teeth. I do not know how they eat. It is a commiracle.

17) ANN MARIE MEWHERTER (New York) – this is where I got new my friends Chops and Felt Mess. Chops is my favorite new friend. For this week. I play with him constantly. And sleep with him. In front of my heater. I cannot wait to have my Mom smell him. It will be great.

18) ERICA PIETRANTON (Pennsylvania) - this is where I got my new friend Reindeer Bobo. He came with Bacon Carryouts. I do not think those are for him. He does not like bacon. He told me this. Right away. So they became mine.

19) NICOLE PEFFER MARTIN (Pennsylvania) - Nicole Peffer Martin lady was a very special part of my Christmas Campaign 2010. She came to my house with very nice presents. A lot of t-shirts. But my parents have to take them back. For a bigger size. They are size extra small. That is a little too short. Oh and also. She sent my Dad a t-shirt from her work. And she sent a coffee mug for my Mom from her work. And then I gave it to my Mom for Christmas. Along with other things. You will see in my video on my FB. Oh and also again. Nicole Peffer Martin lady mailed me a check for $15.00 for my Christmas Campaign 2010.

20) MAUREEN ALLISON FLAGG (Pennsylvania) – she sent me a $20.00 check for my Christmas Campaign 2010.

21) COLLEEN MINERD (Pennsylvania) – she is a school teacher too and sent me 98 cards from her students. It was another commiracle. Although she does not know what hypoteemia is. I will teach her anatomy.